When Will Help Come

Recently I haven't being posting articles because I've been plagued by spiritual troubles. All the guilt and all. My faith came back recently yet something bad happened today. Something that could force me give up the cross and walk away. But I've used this incident to come up with something. Make lemonade out of lemons.

I've experience a very turbulent spiritual life. It was as if the moment I accepted the Christ the world became my enemy. Much like Psalms 31: 10-13

My life is consumed by anguish
And my years by groaning;
my strength fails because of my affliction,
and my bones grow weak.
Because of all my enemies,
I am the utter contempt of my neighbors;
I am a dread to my friends—
Those who see me on the street flee from me.
I am forgotten by them as though I were dead;
I have become like broken pottery.
For I hear the slander of many;
There is terror on every side;
They conspire against me
And plot to take my life.

I've never enjoyed my social life outside of church. I've been mocked, laughed at, bullied, slandered and spat on(literally). These douche bags thought because I am a Christian, I was the one they could jerk off continuously. Like a dog.

Well what happened was an all too common scenario. I've had this feeling that I was ready to proudly say that I've lived a godly life without shame. Ready to carry out the cross. I've shedded most of the old addictive sins that weakened me before. As a matter of fact, I became overconfident that nothing could prevent me from falling.

Well, I was insulted really bad. As a usual response I laughed along. But soon I blacked out and did what I wasn't supposed to do. I've kept my mouth and my life clean for almost a month and now it all ended. All my hard work was laid to waste, blasted to rubbles and debris.

This wasn't the first time it happened. However, this was the one most difficult to bear. So I was very angry thinking that I've wasted my life on false hope.

But folks let us consider the facts. We are made to suffer, just like how the Lord was meant to die. Life on earth is not a holiday. It's actually a battlefield full of pain and suffering to test how worthy we are. To test our allegiance to God. It is always easy to say we love God when things are fine but when things start to go the way we don't want them, we just complain saying it's unfair and God doesn't care about me or we could just backslide and enjoy what little joy is left.

What makes it tougher is that in this specific battlefield, we are not allowed to fight back. If we do, we loose whatever the holy spirit gave us. We whack whoever messes with us, we insult when we are insulted. The Christian life is not about how hard we hit, but instead how much we can take. How to get whacked, hit or insulted yet keep moving forward.

Troubles are just like trials to determine the depth of our devotion. If we give up the cross at the first sight of trouble, it shows how shallow or devotion is. The one who endures the most wins. However, there are margin for errors. Perhaps God wants us to use these failures to learn how to prevent them again. That's why problems come in unexpected times and ways, so we can expect the unexpected.

If we fail, just get up and piece back the puzzle.